Pure Frustration

Some odd is going on and I'm not totally certain I know what it is. I know the guy I've been dealing with for over a year is part of it, but he's not the sole reason. Don't get me wrong, matters of the heart can drive you insane but I noticed I've gotten off-kilter with the other relationships in my life...specifically with my family and friends.

First, my patience is growing increasingly thin with my grandmother. God, the Father, knows I love her with every fiber of my being, but she's grown content with playing the victim...even when she's not deserving of that position. Yes, I've lost two uncles in the past two years...her sons...and I yes I don't know how it is to lose a child, but she refuses to fight for her happiness and brings down my mood every time I talk to her. It seems like she tries to guilt me into having compassion for her. But here's the thing...I already have a deep well of compassion sitting in my chest for her. But that's been her shtick for...ever, maybe? Tears and guilt have been her weapons of choice and I'm growing weary.

Friends are a little different. Well, really it's only one that I'm concerned about and concern might be the wrong word. But I don't think it's going to last. This friend irks me and plays the victim role...that's it! I'm growing effing tired of victims. Granted sometimes shit happens and we naturally feel victimized but damn...it seems like the people around me are cranking it up and my reservoir of concern is drying up and it's frustrating me.

I've been feeling like this for some time now...maybe a 3 or 4 months, but today I think I found my path out of this rut. A few years ago when I was nursing a broken heart and clawing my way out of a depressed state, I read "Lessons in Living" by Susan L. Taylor. The book began to change my life and way of thinking and just reading the words of Ms. Taylor comforted me. She wrote with understanding and introduced me to the God I was meant to find. Somehow I let the lessons I learned slip away and lost my spiritual groundedness. Thank God, I cracked the book open again today.