I'm back...

Hey everyone, long time no blog. Like I posted a few weeks ago, my uncle died. I'll write about him in a future blog. I don't feel up to it today.

A few weeks ago I received an email informing me of orientation dates for my master's program. I have two later this month. For the most part I'm excited about going back to school. I hate the feeling of idleness and am not used to working towards nothing...I mean...I've been in school my whole life working towards something. I knew that I would continue my education past a Bachelor's degree, but I wasn't expecting to have an almost nine month break.

I found it hard to relax and enjoy this time...and honestly I haven't. Plus being out of school has kind of shaken my confidence. Sometimes I'll think in regards to getting a Master's "Is this really what I want to pursue?" Of course it is, but I'm not one that usually embraces change...I just go with the flow of the change. I felt the same way when I graduated high school. I was terrified of going to college and didn't think I was up for the challenge (even though I graduated high school with honors). And when I finally got to college, I wasn't so sure I wanted to stay there after about the third week. My saving grace is that I realize that moments of insecurity are fleeting and...moments. They sweep and swoop over my path, but never stall my journey.

I had to much free time during this break. And to circumvent fiddling my thumbs I decided to make a lifestyle change and get into shape. To date I've lost 27lbs...although I've dropped 41lbs from my heaviest weight. I tipped the scale at 211lbs, made a lifestyle change at 197lbs, and currently weigh 170lbs. I decreased my BMI from 29.4 (overweight but at the cusp of obesity) to 23.7 (normal). I've very pleased with my results and am almost enjoying working out lol. I strive to workout five days a week...I don't always make five though. Three days of weights and five days of cardio. And let me point out that I run..ahem..2 miles with relative ease...and walk two to catch my breath...lol. But that's all for now...I'll be back to write soon.

Update...Part 2

I have been on the Fat Smash Diet for 40 days now, and have lost 17lbs while on it...bringing my grand total to 31lbs. I'm also walking/running 4 miles a day. I walk a mile to and from my car throughout the day and then head to the park to walk two miles and run one. But man...that heat is something serious. I'm just doing my best to stay hydrated so that I don't pass out while I'm huffing and puffing and listening to Letoya's "She Ain't Got Shit On Me" LOL. That's my motivation music. Oh and yesterday was my parent's wedding anniversary. They've been married 26 years...shout out to them.

A Little Update

I've lost 12 lbs since I started "The Fat Smash Diet." I'd already lost 14 lbs before starting the diet. So in total, I've lost 26 lbs. I've also been lifting weights and am starting to see noticeable results. A few mornings ago I woke up and looked at my arm and laughed. I like men with nice arms (some may call that a fetish). And now I'm one of those men! LOL It was a good laugh, a healthy laugh. My legs are shaping up nicely as well. I'm also up to working out 6 days a week. I do cardio and weights on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. My two "nothing but Cardio" days are Tuesday and Thursday. I do yoga on Sunday. And I don't do anything on Saturday unless I skipped a day during the week. I plan on keeping this up. My confidence has also boosted. I proudly wear my shirts tucked. Heyyyy!

Getting it back...(Body, Results, etc.)

Not much has been going on lately. Just living, working, and exercising. I’m 17 days into Dr. Ian’s Fat Smash Diet and have lost around ten pounds. I tweaked the program a bit. I’d been exercising and doing weights for about a week or two before I started the diet. However, the program suggests waiting until Phase 3 to incorporate weights into your workout routine. I didn’t want to stop so I kept on doing the weights. I’ve noticed a significant change in my body. I’m visibly thinner, and my limbs are more toned. I have a goal to be beach-ready in September (although I’m sure I won’t be going to a beach as I don’t do open water like that). Also, I got my STD test results yesterday. Everything was negative. While I’m getting my body in better shape and taking personal inventory I’ve chosen to become celibate. I wasn’t getting any on the regular anyway...LOL


On the downside of things...I think I'm developing feelings for someone. And I don't want to...

Oh nothing much...

I've just been living and working, not much going on at the moment. I've started Dr. Ian's "Fat Smash Diet Program." I'm on Day 4 of Phase 1. So far, its going pretty good. The first day was the hardest, but now I'm settling into it. It lasts for nine days and I'll be finished with the detox/first phase on Wednesday. My mom was supposed to be doing the diet with me, but she's cheated every day...except for today...well I don't know what she's ate since I spoke to her this morning. At any rate, I've lost 4 pounds already. Wish me luck...

I got tested yesterday...

I had a STD screening yesterday. There was nothing to be worried about, but as a gay man I feel its something I have to do as regularly as seeing a dentist. Its always an interesting experience to say the least. It starts with a urine sample. (I’d prefer to have a plastic cup with a cap on it, but who am I to question the tried and true methods of peeing in a paper cup with no cap on it.) For me that’s always the hardest part because I have to put the cup down, fix my clothes, and wash my hands while carrying around a urine sample. But once that’s over its all good, lol. Then I had to go back to the waiting room for a while and update some paperwork.

I usually go to the Department of Health’s clinic. It’s quick and the services are prorated based on your income. My total cost was a little over $7. There is a television in the waiting room that’s always on CNN. And of course the latest state to recognize gay marriage was being featured, lol. For a moment I was slightly uncomfortable (despite recognizing gay tendencies since the age of 4 and always knowing I was gay, I didn’t embrace my sexuality until I was 21 so I’m still getting used to being okay with it). The segment featured two men kissing…in general I’m not a fan of public displays of affection. But then a guy sitting two chairs away from me let out a groan and then a chuckle. It was about ten of us in the waiting room and he was the only one to outwardly react to the segment. (1 out of 10 ain’t bad at all.) But anyway…that’s the kind of shit I have to deal with.

I didn’t have to wait too long before Louise (name changed), the nurse, called my name. She was probably in her mid-50s, white, short hair, stocky, and about 5’4.” She checked my blood pressure which was 176/20 something. I can’t remember exactly what it was, but it was good. Then the interesting part came… She proceeded to ask me the usual questions, but felt the need to caution me about them being sexually explicit. I think she was uncomfortable asking me the questions…I had no problem answering them. It’s easy to answer “no” to “have you ever had sex with anyone for money or drugs?” Hell no! LOL But I guess its something enigmatic about a young, black, clean-cut, gay guy being responsible for his health. LOL, anyway…I’ll give her a pass. And I did. She flustered and said, “Sometimes these questions are just…” I helped her out and told her, “I’m a writer, so I’m used to putting myself out there.” She laughed and asked if I was planning on writing a novel. Not just yet Louise.

The nurse took my blood sample. The sight of the needles hurt more than the insertion itself so I tend to look away. Louise finished labeling and writing, told me the doctor would be in shortly, and left. I moved from the chair to the examination table because it was more comfortable, plus I knew I’d end up on it anyway. Might as well beat the doctor to the punch, right?

I had to wait about a minute before the doctor came to the room. She was a friendly lady, and the same doctor I’d seen on previous visits. She started the examination by asking me if anything was wrong, checking lymph nodes, and checking my chest, back and feet for a rash specific to syphilis. Everything was cool…moving along. She took a throat culture by sticking these things that looked like long cotton swabs down my throat and joked saying, “This is the part I hate. It’s usually when I see something coming back at me that I move away.” “I bet you do,” I said. She laughed and told me to pull down my pants and underwear so she can check out the “going ons” down there, LOL. She didn’t say it like that…that’s all me LOL. But it was at the moment that I remembered I’d wore bikini underwear that day…oh well.

“I would wear a special kind of underwear today,” I laughed.
She looked.
“There’s nothing wrong with those underwear,” she replied.
“Yeah, you’ve probably seen it all.”
She burst out laughing...it didn’t seem all that funny to me but I guess it made her remember a particular patient in the past.
“Well, I don’t say that I’ve seen it all because as soon as I do…something else trumps it.”
She composed herself and examined the front and back. Everything’s cool and she told me I could pull my pants back up.

The doctor did some more writing and labeling and gave me my checkout form to take to the cashier. She told me to schedule an appointment to come get the results in three weeks and sent me on my way.

Overall, it was a respectful experience and I hope this post shows that its not as bad or scary as it may seem. It may be and seem a little uncomfortable, but if you pride yourself in being responsible for your health you’ll be okay. So now it’s your turn!